wait, i like school?

8 am class was canceled, two assignment deadlines were extended, and I had a cinnamon roll for breakfast. That is a rare Monday morning, folks. There is a God in heaven! (*insert praise hands emoji*)

The first thing I did this morning (besides eat a cinnamon roll, drink a cup of coffee, and relish in the joy of no class) was bring this whole upcoming homework-infested and anxiety-ridden week to the feet of Jesus. I was overwhelmed. I told God that my academics belong to Him; that I want to do well in all of my classes and on all of my assignments, but if I try to carry alone the burden of everything that is required of me this week, I won’t be able to do it. So I gave it to Him, committed myself to working diligently, and thanked Him for the opportunity to be in school.

Even I have to read that last part twice because it’s hard to believe that I finally feel thankful for school. This has not always been my attitude. Heck to the no.

I regret that up until this point I have seriously taken for granted my time as a college student. Sure, I’ve passed my classes, but for the most part, since the fall of 2013 I have neglected to see that the responsibility of achieving and maintaining my own academic success is a unique one, and it was given to me as an opportunity to practice good stewardship. I think it’s safe to say that problem number one is that at first I did not view my college education this way. I tried to see it as something that God has called me to, and eventually I was able to believe that in time He would reveal to me the direction He wants me to take in a career, but seeing it as a gift was a whole different story during my first few semesters of college. And reaching a point where I was okay with going to school, even though I felt like I was wandering aimlessly, was difficult. I hated life as a freshman. In high school you think you’ll be able to jump right into all the things you want to study (if you even have subjects you actually want to keep studying), but all of those general ed classes really put a damper on those hopes. At least for me… but maybe being an undeclared major had more to do with that than I think.

It was one of the most challenging things to keep reminding myself of how strongly I knew God wanted me in school, despite how much I did not want to apply myself to certain subjects that I literally could not care any less about.

Being a student is a privilege, a gift, and something that I want to continually be better at. I get to make my own decisions about what I want to study and what career I hope to pursue. On one hand I feel like I haven’t appreciated that free will. But on the other, I’ll give myself a little bit of grace because, especially as a freshman, it was hard to be motivated when I had no flipping clue what I wanted to study except, like, anything but the textbooks that I had to purchase.

My point is this: Now that I am enjoying school, I am realizing how much I didn’t at first, and how much God has brought me through and taught me in the process. I have learned that doing my best in school is actually a form of worship, and He was patient with me when I wasn’t keeping that mindset and fully immersing myself in what He has called me to. Yeah, looking back I totally wish I had been just as motivated back when I knew so much less about what I wanted to do. Yeah, I wish I had been joyful just to be able to get an education at all, and I regret taking that for granted for the first couple of years. I still don’t know exactly what I want to do, but that’s not the point. I think I’m just really excited to finally feel like I’m headed somewhere. I’m finally studying what interests me, and it’s still challenging, but it’s a good feeling to have figured that out after so many moments of feeling clueless, doubtful and unmotivated. And it’s all thanks to my Savior.

“You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.” -Isaiah 26:3

“Into Your hand I commit my spirit, You have redeemed me, O Lord God of truth.” -Psalm 31:5

“The soul of the lazy man desires and has nothing; but the soul of the diligent shall be made rich.” -Proverbs 13:4

“Bondservants, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in sincerity of heart, as to Christ.” -Ephesians 6:5

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